MJ's Guide to Qurbani (the Do's and Donts)

Qurbani tips

Remove your watch before cutting. Trust me on this one.

Dress Practically. High heels in general are impractical. On a farm more so.

When you think you've washed your hands with enough soap. Wash again.

It might cross your mind that a handful of course salt and some sunlight is all you need to convert that discarded sheep skin into a comfy car seat cover. This will not turn out well.

Stop cutting once you've severed the Jugular. There is no need to behead the animal. You are not uploading an Al Qaeda audition video.

When giving the sheep water, pour it into its mouth. do not sprinkle a few drops over it. You are not at a meelad.

When giving the sheep water, do not try to drown it either. Put down the hose. You are not a Police officer at a Civil Rights march.

Qurbani is not a competition. Neither is it a speed contest. You are not serving customers at a mcdonalds drive through. So take some time to make your intention before each slaughter. And try your best to avoid letting the sheep see their fallen comrades.

The takbeer should be recited audibly, but you dont need to scream at the top of your lungs, especially if youre cutting on a farm with 20 families next to you. Simon Cowell isnt going to hand you a recording contract. Not even the Al Ansaar Bookshop. So don't be inconsiderate.

If you want to teach a kid how to grab a sheep, don't teach them when there's only two left in the pen. Sheep are dumb, but eventually it hits them that their buddies are being snatched, and they get aggressive. So unless you're uploading this to youtube for all of us to see - don't let the kid into the pen for the last two sheep.

Do you know the thing about most Ox stories... they are all the same! Yes, I know it takes six men and 9 metres of chain to subdue the animal. This is not an elimination chamber. Its an Ox, what do you expect? Ive heard my share of Ox stories. The day an Ox picks someone up and tombstone piledrives them then please let me know. Until then, please dont make me feign interest as you recall how the ox put up a fight.

MJ

Eid Mubaruk to all :)

Concerning Hollywood Love

What is the value of love if we do not act on it.

Haste isnt always a bad thing. Maybe Aesop wrote stories with morals, and not morals with stories. Somebodies got to be the hare.

Jaded people might scoff at the idea of love. Pass it off as a packaged creation of Hollywood, herding us into a jagged cave of consumerism. Love isnt what you see in the movies they say, bitter as they remind us that there is no Santa Clause. I dont know. For me, love is what I make of it. Sometimes its destructive, and sometimes it is sweet. And sometimes it is what I see in the movies.

This is a list of the top grossing films of all time.

1 Titanic
2 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
3 Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
4 The Dark Knight
5 Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
6 Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
7 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
8 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
9 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10 Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Each of them deal with love in some form.

Its pretty obvious in Titanic

Would Aragorn have approached the Dead Men of Dunharrow if it wasnt for his love of Arwen?

Pirates of the Caribbean dealt with Willl's and Elizabeth's love

Two Face was driven by his love for Rachel, and to a large extent, so was Batman

Harry Potter's main theme is about love really. From his mothers love that repelled the avada kadavra to the snogging thats quite commonplace in the last two movies

Star wars - Anakin and Padme

My point is - does Hollywood produce stories with love, or love with stories attached?

Love doesnt always have a happy ending, and unlike an episode of CSI - it doesnt always make sense at the end. but this is not why we should love.

We shouldnt love because we want a happy ending. When we position Love as being Future Oriented we sometimes lose sight of the present.

MJ

Say No to Superman

Where is now?

The moment I act


that cold kryptonite

that jagged green rock

That i fling at Superman

So I can cripple him

and his stupid values, his interminable sincerity

and his pointless strength



None of which can save him now.



Bye Bye Superman.

I hope it was worth it.

I hope you die.

savagely.



I dont want to be saved Superman

Put away your cape.

I dont want to try Superman

Put away your cape.



Dont fight it Superman.

Dont struggle


Just close your eyes and die Superman.

Man of Zeal.

MJ's Top 50 Games of All Time (10 - 1)

10. Metal Gear Solid 4 (ps3)

The brilliance of Kojima isn’t his meticulous attention to detail and pacing, but rather his ability to weave narrative. No other franchise would be praised for so many cut scenes but this is lauded in Metal Gear Solid 4. The first game that stood up and said ‘this is why you need to buy a PS3’.

9. God Of War (ps2)

The problem with playing a game like God of war is that you can never quite go back to other action games and be satisfied. This game set the bar (which incidentally is also one of the reasons why I still rate it higher than its sequel. Ambitious, with a rousing score – God of War remains to this day, as Sony’s most powerful IP.

8. Bioshock (xbox 360)

Morality in gaming is something that has always fascinated me (my day job is lecturing media ethics) and Bioshock (and more recently Call of Duty Modern warfare 2) deal with this in a way that makes you sit up and say, this isn’t a kids play thing anymore. Is it ok to sacrifice someone for personal gain? My top ten is filled with games that have ‘wow’ moments in them. Moments that make me smile and remind me why i love this hobby. With Bioshock it came in the second minute – when I resurfaced and witnessed the flames engulfing the aeroplane in High Definition.

7. Call of Duty Modern warfare 2 (xbox 360)

I know some people might be sceptical about this choice, especially since its so high up in my list, but I absolutely love this game. It took everything that was good in Modern Warfare and flung all types of awesomeness at it. Yeah, the single player is short, but I’d rather have six hours of intense action than an additional two hours of just running from A to B in the same locations. To make up for the length theres Special Ops mode which is difficult without being frustrating (most of the time at least) And I haven’t even touched on the multiplayer. Heres a little injoke – when we play my friends call me rapunzel because i sit in the tower with my long hair and sniper rifle

6. Ratchet and Clank 3 (ps2)

At any one time I juggle five or so games. At the moment its mostly Assassins Creed, Band Hero, CSI and GTA Lost and Damned. Because i’m always getting new titles I don’t have the time to finish most games. I finished this one three times! I absolutely adore this series and one of the hardest cuts I had to make was to leave out sunset riders and ratchet and Clank 2 from this list.

5. Metal gear Solid 3 (ps2)

Remember the whole moment in gaming thing that I seem to be going on about. In Metal Gear Solid 3 its when youre climbing up a tunnel and as you start nearing the top, the theme music kicks in (snake eater) Awesomeness personified! And in the end credits when Ocelot revealed he was Adam. Woah moment number 2.

4. Grand Theft Auto 4 (xbox 360)

I’m not a huge GTA fan. Yes, Vice City has one of my top five gaming moments in it (the first time you jump on a bike and Billie Jean starts up) and San Andreas was more ambitious than 99 percent of all games and had Samuel L Jackson, but GTA just isn’t my thing. Or at least it wasn’t until I started GTA 4 . Without a doubt the greatest game of this generation, GTA 4 fixes all the problems I had with the previous ones (lousy graphics, poor racing mechanics and horrible aiming) I would sit for hours and just watch television, listen to right wing radio stations, go John Allen Muhammed on civilians or just try to figure out what I couldn’t do. And there wasn’t much.

3. Super Mario 64 (N64)

My folks went on a pilgrimage just over a decade ago, and I remember my dad calling me one morning and asking me whether I still wanted that Nintendo console that he couldn’t seem to find in most stores or whether he should just get me a playstation instead. And I told him to keep looking (spoilt brat) A week later he called me again and said he found a store selling it but that the same store was offering him a playstation with thirty games for the same price of the Nintendo with five games. Its hard to explain quality over quantity over a long distance call, especially when the only thing my dad knew about video games was that it cut down his tv hours. They ended up getting me the Nintendo 64, and I was introduced to Mario 64. (I did end up getting a ps1 as well but I hardly used it) OK, so whats the point of this story? I don’t really know – all I do know is that Super Mario 64 is awesome.

2. Super Mario Brothers (Family Computer/Nes)

The granddaddy of all video games. I can pretty much guarantee that anyone who is reading this list can hum the Mario theme, thats the power and influence of this game. Not many of us know of the Great Video Game Crash of 1983, and if it hadn’t been for Nintendos super Mario Brothers, Videogames as we know it today would have not existed at all. Shigeru Miyamoto, the creator of Mario is largely considered to be the greatest Video Game creator in the world. I remember a few years ago when I bought my PSP. The first thing I did was run a Nes emulator on it so I could play Mario Brothers the entire day. You cant think videogames, without thinking Mario

1. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nintendo 64)

Another Miyamoto classic, Legend of Zelda can be summed up in one word, magical. Its disappointing really, that Nintendo never introduced the N64 into South Africa and alot of people weren’t exposed to Metroid or Zelda or any other of the Big N’s strong IP’s. When I was compiling this list, I made alot of changes and some games moved up and some moved down... but Zelda was always number one.


MJ

Concerning Mario

This is a Gif. Jpegs do not move. Gifs do. BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO CLICK ON IT. I hope this moves.

Also - theres more than just the first bit.
MJ

MJ's Top 50 Games of All Time (20 - 11)

20. New Super Mario Brothers (Nintendo DS)

The only DS game on my list, New Mario Brothers is also one of the best games ive ever played. Ive got alot of DS games, but none come close to the awesomeness that is New Super Mario Brothers. A version has just been released on the wii. I'l pick it up in a few weeks. Lets see if that gets a place here too.

19. Ratchet and Clank : Tools of destruction (PS3)

The Ratchet and Clank series is one of those strong franchises, which combine great graphics, cool weapons and lovable characters and the PS3 edition is no different. While we have yet to play games that are on the level of CGI movies, Ratchet and Clank on the PS3 is the closest we have got to 'playing a cartoon'.

18. Batman: Arkham Asylum (PS3/ xbox 360)

A recent addition to my list , Arkham Asylum stuns critics into accepting that a video game based on a licenced product needn’t necessarily suck. Some may say this is one of the greatest games of the year – I would say its one of the greatest. Period. Ive included both versions n this list because while the Xbox nudges out with better controls and slightly better graphics (and I completed it on Xbox- the PS3 version lets you use Joker in the Challenge rooms.

17. Mario Kart 64 (Nintendo 64)

You probably noticed quite a few games in my top fifty list are from Nintendos ill fated N64 system, but the truth is - it is my favourite console of all time. While most critics still consider the original to be the best, I enjoy mario Kart 64. It still stands as the only game I could convince my little sister to play with me. Well, this and Mortal Kombat - weird kid, go figure)

16. Def Jam 2: Fight for New York (Xbox)

Sporting a line up of some of the most influential hip hop stars out there as well as some of the most outrageous finishing moves, and an interesting story, Def Jam is without a doubt the best beat em up ive played. Everything about this game oozes quality, from the opening video to the cut scenes between beat downs. Besides - how can you not enjoy a game that allows you to beat up Sean Paul?

15. Super Mario Brothers 3 (Nes)

The ultimate gaming icon provided me with many hours of gameplay as I once again visited the mushroom kingdom. The biggest selling franchise in video game history, every Mario game is pure quality. Frog man and Racoon man - I salute you

14. NBA Street Vol 2( PS2)

I dont play many American Sports in real life (Actually i dont play any), but I really enjoy video game basketball, and this is one of the greatest ever made. Its actually in my top 5 PS2 games of all time. Awesome game (as you can see, i chose 2 over 3. 2 just Feels right)

13. Super Mario Galaxy (Wii)

Yes folks, another Mario Game - Super Mario galaxy is the best game on the wii, and is also one of the best games made in the past few years. If you have a wii, this needs to be in your library. Stop kidding yourself with the wii fit, youre not going to lose weight by looking at that balance board - so you might as well have some fun with the console.

12. Call of duty Modern Warfare (Xbox 360)

The single player was short, really short. But like a one night stand with a film actress, It was something I will remember for many years. Call of Duty 4 dropkicked the franchise into the modern age, and delivered a nail biting and action packed adventure that no other war game has been able to recreate. Not to mention the fact that I still played this in multiplayer every week until the new one came out

11. God OF War 2 (ps2)

Two years ago I only really played one PS2 game, and after you play God of War 2 you dont really want to play any other PS2. A fitting swansong for Sonys beautiful console, God of War 2 puts you back into the blood filled sandals of Kratos as you aide the Titans against the Gods. Boasting graphics that are comparable to most Xbox 360 games, God of War 2 is just that damn good.

Check back tomorrow for my Top Ten.

MJ's Top 50 Games of All Time (30 - 21)

30. Unreal Tournament 3 (xbox 360)

It could be that the characters look like they were ripped straight out of Gears of war (same developer) or it could be that the stinger mini gun is one of the coolest weapons ever, but what sealed the deal for me was the system link co op campaign. Capture the Flag has never been this much fun.

29. WWF No Mercy (Nintendo 64)

I enjoy my wrestling games alot, having owned more than fifteen wrestling titles and while I spend hours every weekend playing Smackdown vs raw 2009 with my mates, my favourite Wrestling game will always be WWF No Mercy on the Nintendo 64. The follow up to their critically acclaimed Wrestlemania 2000, if you havent heard of WWF No mercy - google it. Smackdown is good, but No Mercy was pure fun.

28. Prince of Persia 3. The Two Thrones (XboX)

The Prince of Persia series has always been one of the better franchises in the video game world, from the groundbreaking original of yester year, to the time manipulating beauty of the recent trilogy. My favourite however, has to be Prince of Persia 3. The first one was really good, but had a flawed combat system. I did not like the second one, Warrior Within at all because of the dark and mature theme that it had. I was disappointed with the direction that the game had taken, even though the combat elements were tightened. Luckily, for the third game, Ubisoft went back to its roots and produced a legendary title worthy of a top fifty accolade. I have played all three versions (Ps2, xbox and Wii) and I enjoyed it the best on the Xbox (better graphics and the controls seemed better suited to the controller) so that version gets the nod.

27. Conkers bad Fur day (Nintendo 64)

I remember seeing the first images of Conker and thinking 'Oh great - another kiddies platformer on a system that was already straining under the weight of too many platformers (kinda like the FPS and the Xbox 360). I heard nothing about the game for two years and then, BAM, Rare hits us with one of the crudest yet funniest games ever. A swearing drunk squirrel. Cant get much funnier than that.

26.Fable 2 (Xbox 360)

I love games that deal with morality (one of the reasons that Bioshock is so high on my list. When I started Fable 2 I intended to be good, but it wasnt long before I started implementing shariah law in Bowerstone and killing all the hookers and drunks. I loved the idea of consequence affecting gameplay.

25. Sonic 2 (Sega Mega Drive)

I had the tv on in the background the other day( something i usually do when I’m on the pc) and I heard a familiar tune, and without even looking at the screen I knew that it was Sonic the Hedgehog) Sonic 2 remains my favourite in the series. And I doubt Sega would have been a serious contender in the market if it hadn’t been for this blue haired wonder.

24. Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers (NES)

Cartoons and their game counterparts always seem to come in the form of Platform games, be it Aladdin, or Ducktales, Tailspin or Darkwing Duck. It seems that platformers were the obvious choice for any game developer. As you probably might have noted - co op games feature prominently on my list, and Rescue Rangers is no exception. One of the best platformers I played.

23. Lion King ( Sega Mega Drive)

Continuing with Disney Intellectual Properties that have been converted to videogames, One of my favourite movies of all time - Lion King, is easily one of my favourite games as well. From the upbeat theme music, to the darker, more mature end level, The Lion King videogame captured the movie perfectly.

22. Goldeneye (Nintendo 64)

Critically acclaimed, twelve years later and Goldeneye is still considered to be the quintessential console first person shooter as well as the best game adaptation. No other James Bond game managed to capture the feel of Goldeneye (the closest is Everything or Nothing for the PS2)

21. International Superstar Soccer 64 (Nintendo 64)

Before Pro Evo, and Winning Eleven - Konami developed ISS, and since then I have been hooked on the series. While some might argue that Pro Evo 2008 on the PS2 is the best version yet, my favourite still remains the one released a decade ago.

MJ's Top 50 Games of All Time (40 - 31)

40. Worms: Open warfare (PSP)

While this version of Worms is not as critically acclaimed as previous releases (they trimmed down the arsenal so no more holy hand grenades) I still found it to be the best purely because of the Platform, the PSP. And I remember many hour playing multi player wi fi with my mates during media lectures. Worms went the Mario route and tried 3-D, but like many other successful 2D franchises that didn’t make the transition that well (Earthworm Jim I’m looking at you)

39. Viva Pinata (Xbox 360)

It feels weird having a farming game up here nestled between all the violence, but I truly love this game. Often overlooked as a simplistic kids game, Viva Pinata balances between being an addictive collect a thon to a more casual 'i just want to water the garden' game. Ive put in over 80 hours into the single player mode - thats more than any other xbox game i Have.


38. BattleToads and Double Dragon (Nintendo Entertainment System)

When we think crossovers in gaming, the first thing that comes to mind are the Capcom vs SNK or Marvel vs SNK beat em ups, and crossovers are becoming increasingly popular (Think about Kingdom Hearts or MK vs DC) My favourite Crossover game is still battletoads and Double Dragon. Which other game could you literally pound your enemy into the ground before punting them out of the screen.

37. Tetris (Almost any system out there)

Three years ago I read a Book called Game Over: How Nintendo Zapped an American Industry, Captured Your Dollars, and Enslaved Your Children which covered the Tetris saga, and unveiled how Governments stepped in to procure the rights to the game. Any game that has that kind of impact deserves to be in a list. Also, when you draw up a list of the most influential people in video games, alongside Miyamoto, and Meier and Kutagari, you will find Tetris inventor, Russian mathemetician, Alexey Pajitnov.

36. Tony Hawk Pro Skater 3 (PS2)

In popular culture, the term jumping the shark denote the point at which the characters or plot of a TV series veer into a ridiculous, out-of-the-ordinary storyline (wikipedia) Usually this occurs after a series has reached its peak. For me, Tony Hawk Underground 2 represented that point in this series, with the two previous games (Thug 1 and Tony Hawk 4 initiating the decline) For me, Tony Hawk 3 will always be the best T.H experience.

35. Pong (Magnavox but I used to play it on the Mega Drive)

My fondest memories of Pong actually come from Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. There is a cheat you input at the title screen in UMK3 which loads a game of Pong, and as ridiculous as it sounds, my mates and I spent half the time actually playing Pong instead of other Mega Drive Games (UMK included) Pong is regarded as the first commercially successful video game ever, and if it was not for it, The first console, The Magnavox back in 1972, would have never taken off. In some part, your shiny Xbox or Ps3 owes a bit to Atari, and their smash hit, Pong

34. Smash Bros Melee (wii)

Im a Nintendo fan (Now im more into Xbox but growing up, ive always preferred Nintendo) so its a huge treat to be able to play something like Smash Brothers and beat the crap out of pikachu with Mario. Ive owned all three of these games - The N64, Gamecube and Wii editions, and I must say that the Wii Edition is by the far the best.

33. Forza 3 (Xbox 360)


I’m not a huge racing fan. I enjoyed Need for Speed Most wanted, and Midnight Club 3 but thats about it. I can handle arcade racers like Burnout but I find Gran Turismo to be a tad sterile for my liking. Thats why I was mildly surprised to enjoy Forza 3. Great Game that should be in any petrolhead gamers collection. This was actually a tough call because I really enjoyed Shift this year, and Need for Speed Most Wanted was also up for contention for this spot. But Forza gets the nod.

32. Chronicles of Riddick. Escape from Butcher Bay (Xbox)

I prefer the Ps2 to the original Xbox, and even though I had many of the exclusive XBox titles (fable, halo etc) none of them could stand up to the Gamecube or Ps2 exclusives. Until I played Chronicles of Riddick that is. Five years later and I have yet to see a PS2 first person shooter that looks as good as this game (Black and Timesplitters 3 come close though) Most games that are based on Movie licences are destined to fail miserably, so extra points to Riddick for breaking the generalisation.

31. Jak 3 (PS2)

Unlike Hollywood, most Gaming trilogies actually get better with each title, and usually the third game is the best (Prince of Persia comes to mind) In fact, Jak shares many parallels with Prince Of Persia. With both series, I disliked the second game because it was too dark and moody for my liking. The thing about Jak is that after playing it, its hard to accept the mediocre graphics of most other PS2 games.

Join me again tomorrow for another ten games

MJ's Top 50 Games of All Time (50 - 41)

Gaming has always been a passion of mine, and i'm very lucky in that I have had the opportunity to play thousands of games in my life.

What follows below is what I consider to be the fifty Best games that Ive played. I have broken it down into batches of ten and I will add a new batch daily. I feel that at the offset I must mention that many big name franchises are not on my list - most notably - Final Fantasy and Gran Turismo. Please bear in mind that this is a personal list. Also, I am primarily a console gamer so WoW etc will not be on the list. I have only included games that I have played so the two big Holiday releases - Uncharted 2 and Assassins Creed 2 will not feature in this list. Perhaps they will be in future lists. Without further ado - Lets start the countdown

50. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (arcade)

There have been many TMNT games over the years, the latest one coinciding with last years movie, but none could capture the franticness and multiplayer goodness (up to four people could play on four different arcade cabinets) that the original offered. At a time when it was cool to say Cowabunga, you couldnt find a more authentic TMNT experience than this

49. Druglord (PDA and PC)

Perhaps the most bare bones of all the games on this list, drug Lord has you training to be an aspiring Drug trafficker. Imagine GTA meets Wall Street and you have a rough idea of what to expect. Drug Lord probably gave me my first taste of economics (who says games arent educational) its also freeware so I recommend you download it and give it a try today

48. Mortal Kombat Trilogy (Nintendo 64)

Ive always been a huge Mortal Kombat fan, owning every title in the franchise (except MK Mythologies Sub Zero because its crap) However, you might be wondering why Ive chosen this version over say, the latest one , MK vs DC, well, its because I think Mortal Kombat works better as a 2D game (2.5 D rather as UMK3 has polygonal characters against a 2D backdrop) Besides, who can forget Sub Zero unmasked or being pummelled to the ground courtesy of Shao Kahns Hammer.

47. Contra (NES)

Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A. The famous Konami Code which was for many of us, the first cheat that we ever used in gaming. But with a game like Contra, it can be overlooked. Contra offered two player simultaneous gaming at a time when it was not common. Also, the lack of skill on behalf of player two (mostly stalling meant certain death for player one) Yes, Contra is responsible for many strained friendships back in the late eighties

46. Resident Evil 4 (gamecube)

I never really got into the Resident evil franchise (I love the movies though) but the biggest problem that I had with the games was the clunky controls. For me, controls make or break a game. All this changed with Resident Evil 4, a game that many critics lauded as game of the Year 3 years ago. Personally I prefer the Gamecube version to the ps2 (even though the ps2 has bonus content) The wii version is said to be the ultimate one, so if you have a wii and find that most games are developed for five year olds, I recommend Resident Evil 4. I loved Resident Evil 5, and it is one of the best ive played this year, but 4 will always be better I guess.


45. Soul Calibur 4 (xbox 360)

I prefer Soul Calibur to Tekken. Last years version was amazing. I dont usually invest too much time in Beat em Ups. But I have clocked well over 60 hours going through Soul Caliburs modes. I even created a Ghandi character complete with Staff/walking stick.

44. Gears of War 2 (xbox 360)

The reason I chose this over the original Gears of War (which I think is the first real taste that gamers had of Next Gen) is that this was more fun. Fleshed out, with good pacing (I wont let the horrible anti climax affect my opinion) And Horde mode which is just unbelievable when you have a mate over.

43. Quake (pc)

It might have been Castle Wolfenstein that pioneered it and Doom that popularised it, but it was Quake that perfected it. 'It' here refers to the genre we now call, the first person Shooter. I have a love hate relationship with Quake. I loved the first one, hated the second. Enjoyed Quake 3 but I dislike Quake 4 on the Xbox 360.

42. Bejewled 2 (PC)

Addictive, easy to pick up and most importantly, fun. Popcap Games hit tile is nothing less than this generations answer to tetris.

41. Snow Bros (Arcade)

Two Snowmen who roll their enemies into snowballs and smash them against walls. Easy enough premise one would think, but add in a dash of franticness in the form of a pumpkin headed villain who haunts you if you take too long and you have a hit on your hands. The game also gave us a boss after every ten stages, which really mixed it up. Two player co op games feature highly on my list as Artificial Intelligence can never replace a human partner.

Check Back tomorrow for the next Ten. leave a comment if you have any fond memories of any of these games.

MJ